


After all these years

by Qxeenkilla (orphan_account)



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: A lot of Flashbacks, Angsty I guess? but don't read if u don't like angst, F/F, This has been done a million times before but idc, Yet again I write something impulsively
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Qxeenkilla
Summary: Years have past since TWICE disbanded.Years have past since Sana last saw her.





	1. Chapter 1

Sana's index finger swivels around the rim of her wine glass, the sound of nothing ever ubiquitous. 

It's ironic, sometimes. Sana originally installed soundproof walls so that she could escape the ceaseless pandemonium of Tokyo, of the city. Now, she misses the buzz. She stares out of her gargantuan windows and hears nothing but silence, despite seeing movement, seeing people talking, seeing cars and taxis and bright lights and  _spirit._ Sana thinks it's a metaphor of her life, a metaphor for the hollow space that has rooted itself deep inside of her, even with the supposed thrill that her surroundings contain. 

It's all so melodramatic, Sana knows this. She's sipping red wine in her large apartment in one of the greatest cities in the world and it's all  _so_ _fucking melodramatic_. 

She wants to cry. She wants to laugh. Maybe smoke some weed. Maybe have sex. She wants to do a lot of things, but instead she sips her red wine and stares out of her windows and wonders how her life became so tragic. 

Then, she gets a phone call. 

Sana sighs and places her wine glass on the coffee table beside her, reaching for her phone and checking the caller ID. The name on it surprises her, and not much surprises her anymore.

It's Jeongyeon. 

"Hello?" Sana says as soon as she answers, fingers clutching the sides of her phone tight, The cold metal is pressed agains the warmth of her hands and she poses it as a question because Jeongyeon hasn't called her in a long time. 

A very, very long time. 

"Sana? Hey!" Jeongyeon greets. Her voice is still cheerful, still friendly, like a year hasn't passed since they last spoke. Sana feels familiarity seep into the space where discomfort once was. She's missed hearing her friend's voice.

"Jeongyeon. Long time." Sana responds. She's a little tipsy (Just a little) and it's making her responses more curt than she wants them to be. Jeongyeon laughs over the phone like this is an understatement and Sana can't help but smile at the familiar obnoxious laugh that she knows oh so well. 

"I know! How have you been, Sana?" 

Sana is asked this a lot. By family, friends, everyone. She's got the response tucked in at the front of her brain, ready to be used every single time she's asked. She's not doing particularly well, but she isn't doing particularly badly either. She's not sad, nor happy, but she's somewhere in the middle.

"I'm surviving. And you? I heard you have a new show?" 

"Yeah, it's been doing pretty well actually, I'm pleased. So uh-" Sana notices the hesitation, and she knows that Jeongyeon is about to get into the  _real_ reason she called. It wasn't just to have a nice catch up. Jeongyeon stopped attempting to do that a year ago. "The girls and I... Well, I'm throwing a reunion week, I guess you could call it. All the members together, we can catch up and stuff. Like old times, you know?" 

Sana doesn't reply right away. She doesn't know if it's the bottle of wine she consumed, but Jeongyeon's words keep running through her mind, like echoes being bounced back and forth. " _Members... Reunion... Like old times"_  "Old times" is a foreign concept in Sana's ears. She distinctly remembers the old times, the laughter and fun spent with eight girls for the majority of her formative years. She also distinctly remembers the other side of the "old times", the confusion and the scrutiny by the media and the arguments and everything else she's been trying to forget. The things that are shoved in a file at the back of Sana's memory, sealed shut. It seems as if Jeongyeon has ripped that file now. It's wide open, papers flying everywhere, and Sana rubs her forehead. 

"Oh right, okay." 

"I'm not forcing you to do anything, Sana. I just... We want you to be there. It won't be the same without you, you know that." Jeongyeon says gently. Sana feels tears prickle at the sides of her eyes but she forcibly holds them back.

She misses them. 

Part of her was gleeful when they disbanded. She felt like she had her life back, or some semblance of it. She didn't hesitate to fly back to Japan and spend a couple of years with her family. When she came back to Korea, she was 28, older, more matured. She tried acting, it didn't feel like her calling. She was in variety shows for awhile, they all loved her, but Sana found it exhausting. Everything eventually became exhausting. So she moved back to Japan, left the company, built herself back up and became well established as a Japanese soloist. She was famous here, everywhere, and it is enough. Performing has always been her thing. 

The other girls, they all stayed in Korea, even Momo and Mina. In the first few years they'd all fly out to meet with Sana, telling her all of the stories about what shows they were on, what they were doing, who they were dating. That eventually fizzled out. Everything did. It was occasional weekly morning calls, then monthly calls, then texts every few months, then a text once or twice a year on special occasions like birthdays. Even the birthday texts stopped this year, when Sana turned 31. She changed her number. 

Sana blames herself. She always has. 

"No I'd be happy to come." Sana exhales, hands twitching to reach for the wine glass on the side of her table. She feels like she needs a sip to relieve the incessant thoughts in her mind plaguing her like a disease. 

Jeongyeon lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god! Well if you could just get a flight over here for tomorrow morning, I'll get someone to pick you up from Incheon." 

Sana opens her eyes a little wider. This is all very short notice. It makes her wonder if Jeongyeon has been debating inviting her for awhile now, finally deciding to call her up last minute. She sighs. This Is truly what their friendship has come to. She blames herself. 

"Okay. I'll see you then, bye." 

Sana hangs up, letting her phone slump down onto her lap. She doesn't move for a minute, sitting still, thinking, ruminating. 

She knows the real reason why her heart is beating so fast. She knows. 

She doesn't know if she's ready to see her again. 

* * *

**9 years ago- 2019**

_"Can you all stop leaving your mess around? I feel like I'm living with eight savages!" Jeongyeon tuts, picking up a loose item of clothing from the ground and shoving it into her laundry bag in  annoyance._

_They're finally getting some rest. It's been a long year, full of promotions for their album, variety show appearances and work work work. They're finally getting some respite. They deserve it._

_It doesn't mean that they can escape Jeongyeon's motherly cleaning, though._

_Sana giggles from the couch, her head resting on Dahyun's lap. The latter is playing with strands of Sana's hair, and it's comfortable. Dahyun pretends to hate affection but deep down she enjoys it. Sana loves affection, from all of the members. She feels like she needs the constant love, it helps her to relax, truth be told._

_"Am I your second favourite now?" Dahyun whispers once Jeongyeon's back is turned._

_Sana looks up at Dahyun in confusion. "Second favourite? What do you mean?"_

_Dahyun tries to act like she's nonchalant, but she's bothered, deep down somewhere._

_"At fansigns, you ignore me, and Saida, now. So I must be your second favourite." She says, a slight frown showing on her cute face._

_Sana giggles and embraces Dahyun tightly. "Don't be silly. You'll always be number one in my heart."_

_And if Sana was looking properly, she would see the shy, relieved smile on Dahyun's face, along with the blush dusting her cheeks. But Sana has never been able to notice_. 

* * *

 

It's hot in Seoul. 

Humid hot, so hot that Sana is already sweating. She uses her little portable fan to alleviate the heat rushing to her face, but it's hard. Incheon airport is packed, and not just with travellers. Fans. A lot of them. Paparazzi too. Her fans have always been more perceptive than most, they find ways to seek out exactly when and where Sana will be travelling, and it used to bother her, but not so much anymore. Her numerous bodyguards are usually there to produce some form of barricade around her so that she can safely get from A to B.

This time is slightly different, though. Because Sana hasn't been in South Korea for a very long time, and rumours are already circulating. 

"Are TWICE getting back together?" A screaming fan asks as Sana is ushered through the crowd. 

Sana keeps her shades on, her hat low enough that it is covering half of her face. She doesn't blame them for thinking that. 

After nearly getting mobbed, the flickering and flashing lights almost too blinding, Sana is assisted into a black car, and she can finally breathe. 

She wonders if this is all worth it. She's used to being in the public eye, she lives in Tokyo for christ's sake. But being in Korea brings something back to her, like this dark sharp pain in her chest. It's always there. Sana thinks it's the remnants of her past life coming back to haunt her. She wonders if she's ready to come face to face with the eight girls who used to, and maybe still do, mean the world to her. 

The journey to the hotel is hectic too. Paparazzi have positioned themselves in cars surrounding Sana, trying to snap pictures even as she's being driven. She's thankful for the blacked out windows. 

When she finally reaches the hotel, she's relieved. She could really use a drink, and she knows that this hotel is one of best in Korea. She is paying a ridiculous amount of money to finance it. Her bodyguard brings her out of the car and straight into the hotel. 

Sana sees eight girls waiting in the lobby when she enters. 

She nearly collapses. 

* * *

 

Before she can do anything else, she's engulfed in a bone crushing hug by the eight girls. Jihyo, Chaeyoung and Nayeon are already crying. Momo is cursing Sana out in Japanese. Tzuyu and Mina aren't saying anything. This is exactly like old times. Sana feels tears coming too, but she doesn't want to cry, not now. She just wants to enjoy this moment, enjoy their presence. 

"Guys, I can't breathe!" Sana giggles, eventually pulling away from the group hug. A snivelling Nayeon has to be physically pulled away from Sana by Jihyo, and Sana smiles widely. 

Her eyes scan over the women. They haven't aged a day. Maturity is present in all of them, of course, but they still look the same. Especially baby Chaeng. She's in her late twenties and she still looks like a cub. Then her eyes settle on Dahyun. The woman is grinning at Sana, and Sana nearly lets the tears burst then, because Dahyun still smiles in her own goofy way, and she still has her Dahyun charm. She's only gotten prettier. Actually, perhaps pretty isn't the right word. Perhaps beautiful is more fitting. She's only gotten more beautiful. Sana can see the woman's eyes shining with wetness, and she knows that she's trying hard not to cry. Sana is trying hard not to cry too. She's trying her very best. 

She's interrupted by a slap on the shoulder. Momo.

"You changed your number, didn't you? Again?" Momo admonishes. 

Sana meekly nods. "Yes, but it was only because my PR team told me that some asshole is going around in Tokyo hacking people's phones." She says honestly. 

Momo accepts this excuse and she sighs. "I've missed you so much. So, so much." She breathes, and behind her Nayeon lets out an ugly sob.

"I've missed you too. All of you." She sees a ring on Mina's finger and gasps. "Minari! Is that a ring?  _When_ did this happen?"

Mina laughs, holding up the engagement ring. "Last night, actually." She admits.

Sana shakes her head in disbelief. Of course, she knew that Mina had been dating the same guy for quite some time, this famous model from Japan, but she didn't know it had become  _this_ serious. The last time she checked, they'd been dating for six months. She feels like she's been out of the loop for too long. Sana quickly checks the rest of her friend's fingers. No-one else appears to have a surprise engagement hidden, though she does know that almost all of them have boyfriends now. She's not sure if Dahyun has a significant other. She's not sure if she wants to know. 

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you." Sana congratulates, smiling warmly at the beaming woman. 

The sudden emotion that Sana is feeling is overwhelming, to say the least. She hasn't seen Dahyun since they disbanded, and she hasn't seen the rest of the girls in a year. She feels like all of her premonitions and doubts prior to accepting Jeongyeon's invitation have been eradicated.

She feels a little less empty. 

* * *

**8 years ago- 2020**

  _"I don't know, Sana unnie. This is the third dating scandal now. Maybe they're just not being careful enough," Dahyun sighs, laying on Sana's bed, the rest of the girls outside talking in hushed whispers. They've all just seen the article about Jihyo and Minhyuk (Caught kissing on a night out-careless), and it's even worse because Jihyo is their leader. They're simply awaiting one of the managers to come bursting into the dorm demanding to speak to them all._

_Sana thinks it's stupid. She's starting to think this is all stupid. Why should them dating another person even be a 'scandal'?_

_"I don't understand, Dahyunnie. They're happy together, so who cares?"_

_Dahyun shakes her head. "Everyone cares. I know we don't have the dating ban anymore but it's still only been five years since we debuted, everything is still a little sensitive."_

_Sana rolls her eyes. "Well I think it's dumb!_   _That's what I think!"_

_Even Dahyun is a little shocked. Sana is always so cheerful, so upbeat and happy and excited, but she just seems annoyed and truly done right now. Dahyun breathes out and turns to look at the girl, seeing that she's got her arms crossed over her chest in sheer irritation._

_"Our fans will always support us no matter what. Besides, me and you haven't had a dating scandal yet, we're safe for now." Dahyun jokes, attempting to lift up the atmosphere. Sana cracks a smile._

_"Soon a boy will whisk our little Dahyunie off of her feet and then we're done for." She pouts, grabbing Dahyun's cheeks and pulling them out. Dahyun swats her hands away and chuckles._

_"I'm too focused on work right now. I'm not interested in that just yet." Dahyun shrugs, but she's more withdrawn now, avoiding eye contact with Sana and typing_ _away at her phone._

_Sana leaves Dahyun be, continuing to ramble off about how unfair being an idol is sometimes._

_She doesn't notice the lie._

* * *

 

The girls all settle down for drinks. Nayeon made Sana swear on her own life that she wouldn't try and make a run for it when she asked to excuse herself for a bathroom break, and though Sana laughed it off, she still couldn't subdue the guilt that seeped through her entire system. 

"- It feels like a decade since we all sat down together, having a drink." Jihyo says, sipping her lemon water (Apparently she's on a healthy eating/drinking cleanse, Sana wishes she could say the same for herself- she ordered a Bacardi and coke). The girls all murmur agreement.

"Well, I might aswell let you guys all know," Chaeyoung announces. Sana looks at the girl expectantly, still to this day finding it so peculiar to see her holding a glass of champagne, even though she's of age to drink it. In her mind she'll always be baby Chaeng. "I'm going to be getting some of my art published, in a kids' book." 

Sana and the rest of the girls cheer in sheer excitement, and Chaeyoung soaks up the applause humbly. She's always had a talent, that girl. Sana is glad that it's being utilised in the correct manner. Her eyes flicker to Dahyun, who is grinning widely, and Sana feels her stomach sink again, the same way it always does when she looks at her. She didn't miss this feeling. She thought she'd left this feeling behind a long time ago. Dahyun seems to feel her eyes on her, because she catches Sana's gaze, and she just smiles again. It's so fucking  _platonic,_ so fucking  _easygoing_ that Sana almost wants to throw up. She remembers the days when she would catch Dahyun's eye and the latter would blush and try to pull a disgusted face but fail miserably. A selfish part of her wants that back. 

Sana thinks she's selfish all over. 

She wants to throw up.

"Chaeng, I love you and I'm so happy for you, and I will be right back, but I _really_ need to use the bathroom." Sana speaks up, and Nayeon huffs.

"Again? Are you going through menopause already? What's up with your bladder?" 

Sana giggles. All eyes are on her now, and she can see the concern on Dahyun's face, because Dahyun is the one person who can read her better than anyone else can, and Dahyun can tell that Sana doesn't need to actually use the bathroom. 

"I feel exposed! Sorry guys." And Sana grabs her bag and moves as quickly as possible to the bathroom, afraid to look back. She's feeling overwhelmed, and tired and hot, (it's really hot in Seoul), and maybe if she gets away from alcohol and the girls and  _Dahyun_ for a second she will be able to think straight. This was a bad idea. Sana realises that now. She whips out her phone and quickly checks plane tickets, seeing when she can catch the next flight back to Tokyo. She'd been in Dahyun's presence for a mere  _hour_ and she is already feeling things that she's been trying to suppress for years. All it took was seeing that stupid face, and that stupid shit eating grin, and hearing that stupid, stunning laugh. Sana kind of wishes she brought her drink with her, in here now. Maybe a shot or two. Or three. 

"Come on, fucking come on!" Sana stresses, her phone is seconds from dying and she needs to find a goddamn plane ticket. 

"What are you doing?" 

Dahyun is standing just by the door, arms crossed, watching Sana fret over her phone with this intense concern that is making Sana's stomach turn even more. God, she's always been so concerned for Sana, even when they were younger, constantly looking after her when she was sick, constantly ensuring that she felt comfortable, even when Sana moved away from everything and everyone, Dahyun would call her, Sana never answered, but she would listen to Dahyun's voicemails whenever she was feeling particularly low. 

Sana runs a hand through her hair and shuts her eyes, breathing out slowly. 

"Nothing. I'm not doing anything." 

Dahyun glances at the dead phone in Sana's hands, and it's like the cogs click into place almost immediately. 

"You want to go back to Tokyo." Dahyun states. She's too observant. 

Sana laughs bitterly. "You got me. I know, I'm an asshole." 

"I never said that." Dahyun says quietly, her eyes fixated on Sana's calmly. 

Sana feels everything _but_ calm. "You were thinking it!" 

Dahyun just looks sad. "You know that's not what I think about you, Sana." 

Sana wants to combust. How Dahyun remains so patient, and gentle with her she'll never truly understand. Meanwhile, Sana is slowly calming down. She doesn't feel the urgency to book a ticket to Tokyo just as much anymore, and she can feel herself reaching some sense of normalcy again. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

Dahyun smiles again. "It's fine. I get it. This is all a bit overwhelming. But we've all missed you so much, and we love you no matter what. We want you to be here, okay? I want you to be here." 

Sana nods. Dahyun somehow managed to get her out of getting out of Korea for good, and though the conversation was brief, Sana feels the genuine smile rise on her face by instinct. 

She didn't know it was possible to love a person this much. 

Dahyun holds a hand out. "Lets go and join the others, shall we?"

Sana stares at Dahyun's hand for a while, knowing that if she takes that hand, she'll enter another swirling vortex of vulnerability that she isn't sure she wants to endure. She'll be entering the known unknown, but with Dahyun's expectant face and her warm smile, Sana knows that she has no real other choice. 

She takes the hand. 

* * *

**8 years ago- 2020**

_Sana has been noticing a change in Dahyun lately._

_She catches her staring_ _a lot. Usually it only happens in the dorm, when Sana is cleaning or washing up, or when she's reading in her room. She always seems to find Dahyun's eyes on her own. Of course, the second that Sana catches her staring Dahyun looks away.  It confuses her, because whenever they're doing a show or fan sign Dahyun makes it a mission to push Sana away when she tries her usual advances._

_On one particular occasion, when Sana is dusting the room and Dahyun is stealing glances at her, she has had enough._

_"Why do you keep on staring at me?" Sana asks, putting the duster on the top of the cupboard._

_Dahyun looks caught out, and she re-adjusts her round Harry Potter glasses (Well, they're_ _actually Sana's, but she lets her use them on occasion) and blushes a deep shade of pink. "I'm not staring unnie! I'm just examining your cleaning technique!" She protests._

_Sana giggles at this ridiculous excuse. "Examining my cleaning technique huh?" She says, grabbing the duster. "Since you've been examining the technique so closely, you can finish dusting yourself." She proposes, holding it out._

_A reluctant Dahyun rolls her eyes but takes the duster from Sana's hands. "I'm so going to pay you back for this." She mutters, getting to work._

_Sana watches Dahyun with warm eyes, leaning forward and quickly pressing a kiss on the younger girl's cheek. Dahyun almost breaks her foot the way she springs backwards, hand flying up to her face. She pulls a disgusted face but even Sana isn't fooled. Dahyun is blushing like there's no tomorrow._

_"Why did you kiss me?" Dahyun groans, wiping Sana's lipgloss off. Sana puts her hands behind her back and flutters her eyelashes at Dahyun._

_"Because I like you," She jokes, and whereas Dahyun would usually laugh and shrug her harmless playful flirtation off, this time she seems genuinely perturbed. She frowns and snatches the duster up from the ground._

_"No, you don't." Dahyun clarifies, and she's looking at Sana in a way she's never looked at Sana before, like she's about to cry. Sana watches in dubiety as Dahyun storms out of the dorms bedroom, taking the duster with her._

_She's confused._

* * *

Dahyun brings Sana back to the girls, and Sana mumbles an excuse about being on her period and they all accept it, no questions asked. The rest of the evening is pleasant. Sana receives a truck load of information from the girls about what they've been up to, how life is, how they all are. Sana tells them what they want to know, skipping some minor details, like how dependant she's become on alcohol, or how she hasn't actually had a boyfriend since... 

She flops down on her hotel bed after it all and sighs. It's been a long day, Sana is lethargic and she knows that tomorrow Jeongyeon has planned a bowling day out. Sana isn't the best at bowling, but she's happy to do it, because at least she'll be with the girls. 

Sleep comes easily, and soon enough Sana is out. 

The dreams come easily too. 

Sana dreams about Dahyun.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will I stop writing saida fics. Neverrrr! 
> 
> This is a slightly different style of fic for me, I tend to do AU's but I thought this was a pretty interesting concept to try out. Don't worry, it's purely fictional hehe. There'll be 2 or 3 chapters (This time I'm certain) but I can't guarantee that I'll be updating all of them like, straight away sorry guys!
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed chapter one!


	2. Chapter 2

Bowling isn't Sana's forte. 

Granted, it's a little easier than it would've been had Sana _not_ consumed the shot of tequila beforehand, but it's still difficult. Sana can't pretend that she isn't having fun, though. She is. She hardly remembers the feeling of having genuine fun, laughing without it being forced, talking freely without having to censor what she says. Being around the twice members has always been the outlet that Sana knows she thrives upon, and she doesn't think that will ever truly change. 

"To this day Mina is the superior one at this game," Nayeon sighs as Mina somehow manages to gracefully knock down all the pins and earn a strike. Sana shakes her head. Mina will always be the superior one at _every_ game they play together, that's a given. Even the staff are in awe (Jeongyeon managed to hire the entire bowling alley to themselves for privacy, but the staff aren't discreet in their picture taking- all of the girls notice, but they are past the point of caring).

Dahyun is up next. Sana watches as the woman acutely examines each bowling ball, picking them up and weighing them in her hands, and she's so absurdly concentrated on picking a ball that she doesn't notice all of the twice girls staring at her in disbelief.

"Dahyun, they're bowling balls, not melons." Jeongyeon reminds.

Dahyun pointedly glares at Jeongyeon. "You wouldn't understand because you're  _terrible_ at this game. You have to pick the one with the best precision." She insists, rubbing the shiny surfaces of the balls as if to make a point. 

"They are  _bowling balls_." 

Dahyun ignores Jeongyeon and approaches the lane. Sana giggles as the woman does a dramatic practice throw. She hasn't changed. Sana loves that about her. 

Finally, Dahyun throws the ball, and it disappointedly hits one pin. Dahyun misses the next two bowls. Jeongyeon snorts.

"Hwaiting!" Tzuyu says sarcastically, and everyone laughs. 

Dahyun covers her face in mock embarrassment and stalks back to Nayeon, Momo and Sana. Sana wants to cuddle her and tell her that she did great, and that she's the best at bowling no matter what, like she would have done years ago, but she can't. Not anymore. Instead, she just smiles reassuringly at Dahyun as she takes a seat and groans. 

"I just sent the video to Eunbin and I'm ninety percent sure she's going to break up with you." Nayeon says, chuckling as she texts on her phone. 

Sana turns quizzically to Momo, who is smiling as if this information isn't out of the blue. Sana's confusion must be palpable, because Dahyun looks a little more awkward than usual.

Sana isn't stupid. She knows that Nayeon is referring to Dahyun's partner, who Sana has just found out is a girl, and who Sana has not ever, since she has been in South Korea with the girls, been made aware of. Not once. Even the night prior, when Sana went around asking every single girl how their love life is going. Dahyun didn't mention this 'Eunbin'. No-one mentioned 'Eunbin'. Sana is hurt, and not just because she knows that she has a girlfriend. She's hurt because Dahyun didn't trust her enough to tell her, and it feels like she's been slapped in the face a thousand times by the same hand over and over again. The rational side of her is shouting that she doesn't have the right to be hurt, because she is the one who cut off contact with Dahyun in particular, she's the one who ignored her calls. She doesn't even  _deserve_ her friendship. 

"Who's Eunbin?' Sana says anyway, because she just wants to confirm it, make it a reality, and even in her own ears her voice sounds small. Dahyun is avoiding eye contact, and it feels like they've flown back eight years. Nayeon and Momo both realise the situation in immediacy, and they exchange a worrying glance with each other. The other girls are continuing with the game, oblivious to the quiet conversation happening right beside them. 

"Just this person-- This girl that I'm seeing." Dahyun confesses, finally meeting Sana's eyes. Sana wishes she could read minds, she wishes this were an alternate universe where superpowers exist. She can't read Dahyun. At all. Not now, anyway. She's sure that Dahyun can read her, though. She's almost positive that Dahyun can read the hurt, the anguish on Sana's face, but she isn't positive that Dahyun knows the exact reason why. Sana isn't sure she knows why either. 

"Oh." Sana says, and she doesn't feel like she's  _there_ , she feels like she's detached from her body and is levitating just above, watching the scene unravel like some sort of omnipotent being. Her voice doesn't even sound like her own. 

Dahyun seems to think that she has to explain herself. "Yeah. Well, I... Yeah." 

"So you're a-- I mean, you like women?" 

Dahyun is disbelieved now. She's disbelieved, and it's showing in her face, because she's frowning and narrowing her eyes at Sana like she cannot believe what she is hearing. Sana realises the fault in what she said, and she regrets it immediately, she would take it back in a millisecond if she could, because the way Dahyun is looking at her now is scary, and dissapointed, and Sana abhors it. Dahyun laughs humourlessly. 

"Yeah. But you knew that." Dahyun utters dryly, and that  _tone_ , it's only five words, but Sana knows it means a lot more than that. 

Of course Sana knows Dahyun likes women. She likes women, and she has a girlfriend, and her girlfriend's name is Eunbin, and Sana feels like shit. There's no other words for it. She feels like shit, and Dahyun is still giving her that look, and she can't turn away, and suddenly she hates bowling, she hates this, she hates the atmosphere, she hates fucking Eunbin, she hates everything. 

"Dahyun, why don't you come with me to check the scores?" Momo suggests, her eyes darting from her to Sana. Dahyun turns away and smiles suddenly, as if everything is alright, as if whatever just happened didn't happen, but Sana doesn't have that ability. 

Momo holds Dahyun's hand and leads her away, leaving Nayeon and Sana sitting there in silence.

"She cried yesterday, after you'd gone to bed, because it was the first time she'd seen your face in years." Nayeon says quietly. 

Sana closes her eyes. She cried too. In her room, alone. She wears her heart on her sleeve, but Dahyun is the opposite. Dahyun is good at pretending. She's the best at it. 

"I never wanted it to come to this."

"Sometimes we don't want things to happen, but they do. That's inevitable. What matters is how we choose to deal with it." Nayeon says, eyes stern as they lock onto Sana's, and Sana sees maturity in that look, she sees Nayeon, older and wiser.  

She is right. 

 

* * *

**_7 years ago- 2021_**

 

_Sana has a boyfriend._

_It was bound to happen, eventually. Sana's male admirers only  grow and grow on an international scale as time passes, and by nature Sana is a flirty person. She thinks it's fun. The way men act around her. It's fun, and she's always in control, and she likes that._

_One boy in particular caught her eye more than the rest. An actor. They met at an awards show, he was outstandingly handsome, he fell in love with her almost instantly (most men do) and Sana likes his face. Kim Jisoo. Kim Sana. It has a ring to it, somehow._

_He treats her well and the members (and the public) actually like him. That's what surprises Sana the most. The backlash isn't intensive, it's there, but it isn't overt and it's manageable._

_"You have to wear something that will make him stare!" Jihyo is insisting, scouring through Sana's wardrobe like a madwoman. Date night. This is their first date as an official couple. It's been a week._

_Sana giggles. Nayeon is doing her makeup, and she scolds Sana for moving. Sana feels normal. A_ _normal girl, going out on a normal date with a cute boy, with her friends helping her out, just like the in movies. She has watched a lot of these movies and dramas. The girls always feel so excited, and tingly and it's just romantic._

_Sana doesn't feel any of those things._

_She hasn't kissed Jisoo yet, even though he tried and she likes his face. Chaeyoung is positive that today is the day they kiss, and Sana is almost dreading it. Sometimes, when she's thinking too deeply, she feels like this is all pretend. She feels like she has to do this she has to be in love with Jisoo because it's what people do. It's what they should do. She's 25 now, and this will be one of the first 'relationships' in twice (The last dating scandals have either been shut down immediately or shoved under the rug) so it's understandable that everyone is excited._

_"He'll stare no matter what I wear." Sana shrugs, and Nayeon hits her._

_"Be modest!"_

  _Jihyo picks out a nice dress, and Sana nods in agreement. That will do. It is all feeling a tad excessive now._

_Nayeon and Jihyo quickly finish up and leave Sana to get changed. Sana looks at herself in the mirror once she has finished. She looks amazing. The dress fits like a glove. Jisoo will be speechless._

_The door creaks open and from the mirror's view Sana can see Dahyun shuffling in, in her jogger bottoms and oversized sweatshirt, munching on a snack._

_Sana smiles immediately, and Dahyun's reflection smiles back. She's staring, staring at Sana in her fancy dress, with those warm eyes that have a sense of longing in them now,_ _and Sana feels something stir inside of her. She feels this often. This thing in her stomach._

_With Dahyun._

_Never with Jisoo._

_She always tries to ignore it._

_"Wow." Dahyun says breathlessly, and Sana chuckles shyly._

_"You like it?" She asks, doing a little 360 spin. Dahyun's unwavering eyes never stop._

_"You look beautiful." Dahyun sighs, and she's smiling now, but its sad. Dahyun was just as excited as the others when she found out that Jisoo and Sana were first seeing each other, Sana assured her that she wasn't going to neglect her because she has a boyfriend. Dahyun just shrugged. She said that as long as Sana was genuinely happy, she wouldn't mind. She said that Sana's happiness is her priority, over everything else, and Sana wanted to correct her, because Dahyun was being too earnest._

_Sana isn't genuinely happy with Jisoo._

_She pouts and approaches Dahyun, arms outstretched for a hug. Dahyun, who still doesn't seem to be used to Sana's constant craving for affection (it's funny, because Sana never wants to be close to Jisoo this much) flinches a little bit as Sana embraces her. But she hugs back, and Sana feels at ease, Dahyun's warm embrace making everything feel just a little bit better._

_"Can I admit something?" Sana whispers into Dahyun's shoulder. She feels Dahyun nod._

_"I don't want to go on this date. I never have." She mumbles honestly._

_Dahyun smells nice. Dahyun feels nice. Sana feels like she's going insane._

_Dahyun takes a moment to respond._

_"Then why are you doing it?"_

_Sana closes her eyes. She doesn't really know why. She doesn't know why she's even dating the guy, when there are millions of other men who would gladly take his place. Sana doesn't even want the other men, she doesn't even want Jisoo, she doesn't know what she wants anymore._

_All she knows is that now, as she is hugging her bestfriend for longer than is considered normal, she feels something, something that she has never felt with Jisoo, or anyone else for that matter._

_"I wish I knew the answer to that." Sana sighs, and reluctantly pulls away from the hug._

_Dahyun is looking up at her with such adoration, but there's something else, a shield that's covering it._

_"Just go,_ _have fun. Maybe it's just the nerves talking." Dahyun says, smiling._

_Dahyun is good at pretending._

_Sana thinks she's pretending now._

* * *

 

Fans find them when the second they leave the bowling alley. The few managers that accompanied them try their best to regulate the situation, but it's pretty manic. Sana sees Dahyun smiling, heading over and talking to fans, and she sees the rest of the girls doing the same thing. Sana talks to them, answers their questions, hugs them, and she missed this. She's almost reduced to tears when a fan tells her just how much Twice helped her to get through tough times, and that Sana in particular was her saving grace.

When they arrive back at the hotel, they're exhausted. Dahyun didn't look at Sana throughout the journey, even though Sana tried over and over again to catch her eye. Sana has to speak to her. She knows this. It's hard to though, because Momo is always next to Dahyun like a bodyguard, and whenever Sana tries to get close her eyes warn her away, almost seeming to say " _now isn't the time_ ". Sana doesn't accept this. If now is not the time, when will be the time? Time is running out. 

They're heading back to their individual rooms when Sana taps Dahyun's shoulder. The latter turns around and stops walking, and Sana breathes out. 

"Can we talk?" Sana asks almost desperately. Dahyun glances at the rest of the girls who haven't noticed her absence but hesitantly nods. 

Sana leads Dahyun to her hotel room, and it's ironic now. She doesn't even know what she's going to _say._ Maybemeeting in her hotel room was a mistake. Dahyun doesn't seem to mind though. Dahyun has a girlfriend, _of course_ she wouldn't mind. 

Dahyun positions herself timidly on the corner of Sana's bed, hands on her lap, sitting upright and looking at Sana expectantly. 

"So." Sana begins. "About earlier, I'm sorry. I was just surprised." 

Dahyun shrugs. She doesn't look half as bothered as Sana feels. She just looks like she's having a nice little chat with an old friend, whereas Sana feels like her insides are about to heave out of her mouth. It's just... indifferent. Friendly. Sana can't believe it. There's a distance between them, and it's not surprising, considering how long they've gone without speaking, but it doesn't make it any less painful.

"I'm sorry too. I was being a little bitchy," She laughs slightly and stands as if she's about to leave. "It's cool. We can just forget about it." 

Sana was expecting a lot of things. This isn't one of them. She doesn't know why, but since she has been here, her conversations with Dahyun have been so short, laconic,  _off_. Even the way Dahyun is looking at her now, like she just wants to leave, like she's pretending to be cool when she isn't really cool. 

"Is it cool though, Dahyunie?" Sana says, agitated. She can't stand this anymore. This weird confusion. This distance. 

Dahyun visibly flinches at the nickname. 

"Yes. It's cool. We're friends." 

Why does it hurt so much when it comes out of Dahyun's mouth?

"So you and Eunbin. How long have you been dating?" Sana asks, because she's genuinely interested. 

Dahyun searches Sana's eyes like she's trying to figure her out. 

"Seven months."

"Is she in the industry?"

"No. She's a florist."

"How did your family react? You dating a girl, I mean."

"She's not the first girl I've dated." 

Sana opens her mouth to speak but decides against it. Dahyun's shield seems to be faltering now, she's stern even, cooly meeting Sana's gaze with this sharp potency.

Of course Dahyun has dated more people over the last few years. Of course she has. Sana feels stupid for thinking otherwise.

"Oh, right. Well, I'm happy for you." The words come out strained.

Sana is happy for Dahyun, of course she is.

"Thank you." And Dahyun smiles, sweetly. "I'm exhausted, so I better--"

"Yes! Of course. Sorry, for everything, and for keeping you here." Sana says in a haste, and Dahyun lets out a chuckle. 

"No worries. See you tomorrow?" 

Sana wants to say more. She can't. 

"See you tomorrow." 

* * *

  ** _7 years ago- 2021_**

 

_Sana told everyone that she broke up with him because of scheduling. That was on the official statement. Scheduling issues, work conflicting._

_It had only been two months._

_Sana wishes she was a little more crestfallen about the situation, the girls sure seem to think she is. She isn't, not really. She feels free now that they are no longer an item. Her male fans are over the moon too, and everything is just better._

_They're abroad for a promotional thing when Dahyun sneaks into her hotel room. Sana is painting her toenails, ready to head off to bed because they have to get up early the next day._

_"Sana unnie," Dahyun calls. Sana turns to look at the younger woman, and she giggles._

_"What are you doing here? It's late." Sana asks. Dahyun, in her silk pyjamas, shrugs and leaps to join Sana on the bed._

_"I was bored. I can't sleep." She admits. Sana is actually quite pleased. It's not often that Dahyun comes to her like this, and she cherishes it everytime._

_"You can't sleep," Sana repeats. "Wanna cuddle?"_

_Dahyun smiles and nods, and she adjusts herself so she's wrapped around Sana's arms. Sana kisses the top of Dahyun's head and Dahyun doesn't flinch at all, this time._

_"What's_ _it like?' Dahyun whispers._

_"What's what like?"_

_"I don't know, being with a boy."_

_Sana lets out a laugh at this. Some of the other twice members predict that Dahyun is going to be the next one to get a boyfriend, but Sana disagrees. No-one deserves Dahyun's love. No measly man._

_"It's okay." She lies. "But whenever Jisoo and I kissed he always used_ way _too much tongue which was frankly disgusting."_

 _"Okay! Too much_ _information!" Dahyun shrieks, covering her ears. Sana smiles._

_"Are you looking for love, Dahyun?" Sana teases. The prospect of Dahyun doing things with a guy makes her more uncomfortable than she cares to admit. Dahyun sighs._

_"My family think I should be. I mean, it's not that I can't find someone, but I wouldn't even know where to start."_

_Sana stops for a moment._

_"I can show you. Like how we kissed."_

_There's an excruciating silence for what seems like an hour. Sana can hear her heart beating, the proposition sounding more and more odd in her head. Of course Dahyun will decline. What was she even thinking? Dahyun hardly likes hugging Sana, kissing is a boundary that she's not sure she wants to cross. Dahyun might think it's wrong, or weird, because they're two girls, and Sana realises how fucking stupid it was for her to even suggest that._

_"Really?" Dahyun says in the smallest voice Sana has ever heard. The woman turns and looks up at Sana, confused._

_Sana smiles._

_"Yeah. Practice."_

_Dahyun doesn't hesitate. "Okay."_

_They kiss for the first time, in a fancy hotel abroad, for hours, and Sana realises then that this is what it is supposed to feel like._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting and giving me kudos and being nice I appreciate it and I love you all. 
> 
> One more chapter to go! Phew. It'll be a very long one, so bear with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**_7 years ago- 2021_ **

_With the amount of 'practice' that Dahyun has been getting, she'll soon become a kissing expert._

_The week prior, when Sana first kissed her and confirmed what Dahyun already knew about herself, she thought it would stop_ _there. It didn't, though. Sana would pull Dahyun away from the other members not empty rooms just to steal a kiss. She would sneak into her bed at late hours of the night and try to be as quiet as possible as she pressed soft kisses to Dahyun's lips. "Practice," she would whisper everytime, and Dahyun would allow it, because Dahyun didn't have the strength to do anything else._

_The other members didn't notice._

_Where did it begin? Dahyun has no clue. She has never known what this is. Plus,_ _Sana loves affection. So not only was Dahyun trying to figure out herself and her own feelings, but Sana was constantly making it difficult with her ceaseless hugs and public displays of affection that were supposedly for the fans and platonic but Dahyun always felt her heart speed up more than it should have._

_She recognised pretty rapidly that even the possibility of liking Sana was an unattainable, wrong fantasy in her mind that she didn't even want to try and pursue. So, she left it. Let it brew. Congratulated Sana on her first asshole boyfriend (everyone liked him but Dahyun saw through his sweet boy act), joined in when the members were talking about cute boys, even endorsed her parent's suggestion that she try and look for male companionship and love. She did everything, everything in the goddamn book to overcome her ailment and forge into a normal, young woman who wasn't in love with one her bestfriends._

_It didn't work, though. None of it worked._

_"I don't understand this," Momo whines._

_Dahyun murmurs in agreement, her eyes glued to the television screen. They're watching this stupid romance movie together, all nine of them, and it's nice, but Dahyun is finding it far_ _from enjoyable._

_It doesn't help that Sana is right next to her, her head resting lightly on Dahyun's shoulder and her arm comfortably secured around her waist._

_They haven't spoken about what they are, or what 'this' is. Dahyun thinks that Sana has it hardwired into her brain that they kiss for practice, and she supposes that is the reason why their relationship hasn't really changed. Sana is still touchy, still affectionate, still annoying, but they kiss now. That's the difference._

_Dahyun is scared to bring it up. She's scared it'll change what they are. They're walking on a thin line, and deep down both of them know what's really going on, both of them know that friends aren't supposed to do what they do. They're in a world of their own, pretending not to know what 'this' is even though it's there, bold and bright, on a billboard sign in the forefront of their minds._

_She feels Sana lift her head up from her shoulder, and Dahyun pretends not to notice, fixated on the screen and trying to regulate her breathing._

_"I'm bored," Sana whispers directly into Dahyun's ear, her warm breath hitting the skin there. "Can we go?"_

_Dahyun swallows hard, because Sana doesn't seem to realise (or maybe she does, and she does it purposefully)  that every little thing she does, or says, makes Dahyun feel just a little more vulnerable. She quickly glances at the other girls, who are still focused on the movie, then she turns to Sana, seeing her dark, shiny eyes gazing back up at her with this sensual fondness. Dahyun knows exactly what 'can we go' means, and she feels her face burn up at the mere thought of another kissing lesson with Miss Minatozaki herself._

_She nods. Once._

_Sana smiles. Widely. Innocently. With that look, that look that understands all of the implications, but doesn't want to think about it. Sana disillusions herself more than Dahyun does with this massive pretence, and sometimes Dahyun wishes she could too, but she just can't._

_"Dahyun and I are going to bed. Night guys." Sana announces suddenly, pulling Dahyun up with her hand. The other girls murmur a goodnight, and they're not suspicious, because it's Sana and Dahyun, and they wouldn't never in a million years guess what their two members do behind closed doors._

* * *

 

"I noticed you went into her hotel room last night." Momo says the next day over breakfast. The pair of them snuck down into the all-you-can-eat buffet earlier than everyone else because Momo likes the banchan when it is freshly made and not left too long out in the open. Dahyun was awake anyway, so she agreed to accompany her. It's quiet. The large dining room is empty, save for the vague clinking of glasses from the bartenders. 

Dahyun nods once, picking at her food absent-mindedly. She doesn't really want to have this conversation.

Momo's face creases with worry. "You two didn't--"

"No Momo, we didn't." 

Momo looks relieved, and Dahyun just shakes her head. She understands that Momo wants to protect Dahyun, and maybe even Sana, from getting hurt, again, but Dahyun feels like she's being suffocated sometimes by the older girl. Dahyun is older now, and although Momo seems to think that Dahyun will break any second in Sana's presence, she's become irrevocably more skilled at stoicism, maintaining her own sense of calm. Dahyun regrets not being like this years ago, when she really needed to be.  

"Look, I know you two have history, but you've worked so hard to move on." Momo says, in that straightforward yet gentle voice that Dahyun hates.

She sighs. "I know."

Momo eyes her, unconvinced, as she stuffs a piece of food in her mouth. "You have Eunbin. You're  _happy_." 

Dahyun frowns slightly at her plate. The food is getting cold now. She's not even that hungry. 

"I was never unhappy _._ When Sana and I... I was never unhappy." 

Dahyun can't see it, but she can hear Momo stop chewing. 

"I love her and I love you. But I just want you to be careful, okay? Please." 

Dahyun nods, deciding to abandon her breakfast altogether. Of course she'll be careful. She's been 'careful' for years upon years now, she's been 'careful' in hiding both Eunbin and her own sexuality from the public eye, she's been 'careful' in ensuring that her career didn't fizzle out when they all went their separate ways, she's been 'careful' in keeping her feelings in check since Sana's arrival, even though seeng that face again brought back this deep, harboured thing inside of her that made her want to scream, she's been 'careful' in being friendly with Sana, yet also keeping her distance, even when she saw that Sana has started to drink again. Dahyun has been careful. Dahyun will always be careful. 

But, even Dahyun's carefulness is a withering flame that is a second from being blown out. 

* * *

 

_**7 years ago-2021- New Years Eve**_

_Last year for_ _New Years, they all made wishes. Chaeyoung, for the fourth consecutive year, wished for more growth, Tzuyu wished wellbeing and happiness for the rest of Twice's time together, Momo wished for better health, as did Nayeon, as did Mina, and Jeongyeon and Jihyo wished for Twice to have many long years together. Sana wished to become more successful as a group._

_Dahyun wished for the person she loved to love her back._

_This year, it's different. The annual JYPE New Years' party is in full swing, and Dahyun is dancing with one of her managers. They hold this every year for whatever JYPE artists want to come, sometimes very few turn up because they're spending the time with other family or friends, but the twice girls all agreed to attend this one, because it marks the upcoming sixth year of twice being together. Dahyun can hardly believe it. It all feels so surreal._

" _It only gets better from here!" The manager shouts over the music. He's been drinking alcohol (a lot of the attendees have)._

_Dahyun laughs and nods, wanting to pull out her phone and record her managers ridiculous dancing._

_"I hope so."_

_The manager laughs and saunters off, leaving Dahyun alone. She checks the time on her watch. 11:40pm. Soon it'll be midnight, and Dahyun will be entering 2022. She doesn't have any New Years resolutions this year, but she does want to try her hand at some more solo ventures if possible._

_"Dahyunie!" Dahyun hears Sana call from behind her. Dahyun turns around and immediately smiles at the sight of Sana (fashionably late), wearing an expensive looking dress and approaching her with a wide grin. Her effortless beauty, as per usual, makes Dahyun's heart clench, like someone is literally shooting her there. She stayed in Japan with her family for Christmas, and although Sana made an effort to call her every single night, Dahyun missed her. A lot. The members even picked up on her 'moping', (Jihyo said she was acting like a forlorn lover- Dahyun had to laugh it off)._

_"Ah! You made it!" Dahyun cheers, accepting Sana's embrace. Sana breaks the hug quickly (Dahyun picks up on this) and looks around._

_"Am I early or is everyone just late?" Sana asks, clearly seeing the lack of twice members in the place._

_Dahyun chuckles. "Momo is over there," She gestures to a secretive Momo scouring through the food options. "But everyone else must be on their way. I don't think any of you know the meaning of punctuality."_

_Sana hits her playfully. "Hey! I could be in Osaka right now drinking until my heart's content but I travelled all the way back here for this. Most people would be grateful!" She tuts.  
_

_"I'm grateful unnie! I swear."_

_Sana pouts adorably and crosses her arms over her chest. "You don't have to call me unnie when we're together, Dahyun!"_

_Dahyun_ _smiles meekly. She always forgets, even after all this time. "Okay, okay, sorry. Want a drink?"_

_Sana shakes her head, the pout gone from her face and replaced with her signature small smirk. "I actually want some fresh air. Care to join?"  
_

_Dahyun has never been able to say no to Sana, so she follows her out of the main party hall. She already knows where Sana is going.  There's a discreet, roof-like area at the top of the JYPE building (Chaeyoung found it once when she was exploring, and she made the rest of the members promise to keep it a secret), and Sana comes here a lot in between practice. She's right. Sana leads her up the stairs and out onto the roof, and it's picturesque almost, the night air buzzing with life. Sana moves over to a ledge and sits, gesturing for Dahyun to join her. Dahyun does, sitting as close as possible to Sana because it's cold and they need all the body warmth they can get._

_It's quiet for a little while, Dahyun's staring (not so discreetly) at Sana's desirable side profile._

_"How was Japan?" Dahyun asks, finally._

_Sana grins. "Good. I met up with some friends. They said my Japanese is progressively getting worse."_

_Dahyun nods. "Well, they're not wrong. I can probably speak better Japanese than you."_

_Sana playfully nudges Dahyun with her shoulder. "Yeah, you wish."_

_"I don't have to wish, it's already a reality." Dahyun says in broken Japanese (She's still learning)._

_Sana pulls a surprised face. "It's already a reality? Where did you learn that one?" She asks in shock._

_"Momo taught me."_

_"Of course she did."_

_Dahyun and Sana laugh, at the sheer absurdity of the situation. Then, their laughter dulls into nothing, and they stare at each other. Dahyun has always seen it, but Sana's eyes, with the moon illuminating the city and her face, just glisten. She wants to compare them to the stars, but she's not poetic enough for that. Nothing can truly compare._

_"So... did you meet anyone in Osaka?" Dahyun questions next, trying her best to sound impassive._

_It's not really any of her business, but it has been nagging at her since Sana left. She supposes that she keeps expecting Sana to suddenly emerge with another good looking boyfriend, and she knows that they only kiss, (for practice), but the thought of Sana with another person hurts, a lot._

_Sana clocks onto Dahyun's tone. She smiles brightly. "No. Should I have?"_

_Dahyun shakes her head a little too vigorously. "No!" Then, she closes her eyes and exhales. "Actually, yes. You're allowed to date, I'm just being dumb."_

_Sana doesn't like this answer. She frowns (Dahyun hates seeing Sana annoyed, it's so rare yet so scary) and breathes out audibly._

_"I know I'm allowed," She whines. "But do_ you _want me to?"_

_And Dahyun doesn't know what to say to this. The answer is no, it's obviously no, but Dahyun understands that Sana is young, and beautiful, and she should be free to love whoever she wants even if the thought makes Dahyun's heart pinch._

_"It doesn't matter what I want you to do. You're your own person." Dahyun shrugs._

_Sana lets out a dry laughter and turns to look up at the sky._

_"So if I went_ _inside, right now, and had sex with Jae you wouldn't mind? At all?"_

_Dahyun is confused, not just because of the crude example, but because she doesn't know what Sana wants her to say. Sana is the one who insists that they're kisses are for practice, not Dahyun. Dahyun is the one being realistic. So why is Sana annoyed?_

_"What am I supposed to say here, Sana?" Dahyun stresses. Sana doesn't look at her as she speaks her next words._

_"What if I told you," She mutters, "That when we kiss, I don't see it as practice?"_

_Dahyun's chest swells, her eyes fixed on Sana, who suddenly seems very shy, and very quiet, a contrast to her usual personality. She doesn't know quite how to articulate exactly how she is feeling, so she just smiles._

_"I'd say that I don't either."_

_Sana turns to her with the softest smile yet._

_"Ten! Nine! Eight!" Dahyun hears from inside. She panics, jumping up to run back and catch the rest of the countdown, but Sana stops her._

_"No, stay."_

_"Seven! Six! Five!"_

_Dahyun sits, and Sana takes her cold hand into her warm one. Warmth. That's what Sana exudes._

_"Four! Three! Two!"_

_Sana uses her free hand to gently tilt Dahyun's face to hers. Dark eyes flicker down to Dahyun's mouth._

_"One! Happy new year!"  
_

_Sana leans in and presses her lips to Dahyun's, as fireworks errupt all around them, the screams and cheers of the cities inhabitants nothing compared to the feeling and taste of her mouth._

_She feels happy. This is true happiness._

* * *

 

After breakfast, Dahyun heads back up to her hotel room to properly prepare for the day. Jeongyeon says that she needs to film some scenes for her new reality show, so at dinner they're all going to have cameras filming them as they eat. Momo pointed out that they haven't actually done anything like that for quite some time, and Dahyun is excited. For the rest of the day, however, Jeongyeon has given everyone free reign to do what they like as she doesn't have anything planned. 

The rest of the girls don't particularly feel up to leaving the safety of the hotel, so they are winding down in the hotel's bar. 

Jihyo is filling Sana in on all of the idol gossip when Dahyun grasps the opportunity to call Eunbin. She quietly excuses herself and moves outside the bar. 

As usual, Eunbin picks up after the first ring. 

"Hey honey," She says, her cute voice sounding occupied. Dahyun can hear rustling in the background, recognising the sound immediately as her sorting through flowers. 

Dahyun smiles. "Hey. Are you okay?"

She hasn't seen Eunbin for a week now, and although they don't live together this has been the longest she's gone without seeing her.

"Of course, but I miss you. Also, Cat is sick. She's been puking a lot."

Dahyun's face creases in worry. 'Cat' is the originally ironic name given to Eunbin's kitten, who happens to love Dahyun as much as she loves her. 

"Have you taken her to the doctors? Is it a bug?"

Eunbin chuckles. "No no, don't you worry. She's there now, recovering." Dahyun sighs in relief. "How are the girls?" 

"They're all good. Sana managed to come in the end too." 

Eunbin knows about Sana. They met because of Sana, unbeknownst to Sana herself. Dahyun was looking for flowers, a year ago, to send to Sana in Japan for her birthday, because even though Sana never responded to her messages or texts, she still made an effort to send her something, usually anonymously, when her birthday came around to show her appreciation for her. Eunbin caught her eye, and they struck up a friendship that almost too quickly escalated into something more. They didn't move in together, because Dahyun wanted to make sure she there was no possibility that she would be discovered by the media. It had worked, thus far, and Eunbin was always so accepting, of Dahyun's celebrity status, of the fact that she couldn't ever really kiss he in public or hold her hand. Of everything. 

"Oh," Eunbin says. Dahyun doesn't miss the hesitation in her voice. "How... How is that for you?"

Dahyun shrugs even though Eunbin can't see her. She turns around aimlessly, but upon doing so, she sees none other than Sana standing there, a drink in her hand, watching Dahyun as she speaks. Dahyun does everything in her power to suppress the incoming flurry in her chest, she tries so  _goddamn_ hard to get rid of them, but to no avail. 

"It's fine." She clears her throat. "Hey, I better go. I'll call you later tonight?" 

"Oh okay? Bye, I love you."

"You too." And Dahyun hangs up. 

She doesn't know how long Sana has been standing there, patiently waiting her to finish, but she thinks that it's been for awhile. She looks so _painfully_ good, in her casual outfit, and she's looking at Dahyun in that way that makes her suppression even harder to handle. 

"Eunbin?" Sana asks. 

Dahyun nods. Sana takes another sip from her drink. 

Dahyun's eyes follow the action, and she may not drink herself, but seeing Sana's delicate, womanly jaw and throat pulsate as the liquid falls down her throat corrupts her mind with unwanted thoughts. 

She hates her heart for being so loud. 

"You're drinking again, I see." Dahyun points out. Sana has never been an alcoholic, but she does distinctly remember her vowing never to drink again after having too much at a JYPE gathering and accidentally proposing to Mr Park Jinyoung himself. 

Sana giggles. Her laughter is still so vibrant and loud. "Don't worry, I'm not an alcoholic." She reassures. She's tipsy. Dahyun can tell by the slight slur to her words, and her shifted posture, and her flushed cheeks. She's not full on drunk, but she's tipsy, and Dahyun sighs. 

"You do realise how unhealthy that stuff is," She groans, causing Sana to giggle again. 

"Yes I do  _mom._ Sometimes it's good to take the edge off, you know?" 

Dahyun quizzically looks at the girl. She's changed so much, so drastically that sometimes she doesn't even recognise her. Sana's eyes are sadder now, and maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it isn't. 

"I find that daily yoga helps me to 'take the edge off'. Maybe you should try it sometime." Dahyun suggests. 

Sana looks offended. "Are you saying I'm out of shape, Dahyunie?" She gasps. 

_Please don't call me that. You don't know what that nickname does to me._

Dahyun's eyes involuntarily drop down to Sana's figure, and she nearly laughs, because, Sana is in  _great_ shape. She's in such great shape that all Dahyun can think about if the firm stomach underneath that shirt, and those tight muscles, and her chiselled collarbones. All the parts of her that she used to be able to touch so freely--

"No of course not." 

Sana smiles. She knows. 

"Yoga isn't my thing anyway. I'm more into boxing now." Sana admits with a shrug. 

Dahyun's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. So  _that's_ why Sana looks so good. Not that she didn't before, of course, Dahyun hasn't seen the woman in person for three years, but she just looks _better_. Besides that, she would never in a million years guess that Sana's new 'thing' would be boxing. She can't even imagine Sana punching someone seriously, or even trying to harm another human being. 

"Boxing? With other people?" 

Sana shakes her head. "Oh no! Mostly with dummies and my trainer. It's a real stress reliever. Gets the adrenalin pumping."

"I can't imagine you boxing." 

Sana shrugs again. "When I first started, I somehow managed to completely miss the dummy and hit my trainer's face. He said I was the most clumsy person he's ever trained." She laughs as she recalls the memory.

Dahyun chuckles. Now  _that_ sounds more like Sana. "Well, if you ever want to try your hand at some yoga, you know where to find me. I promise I'll go easy on you." She doesn't mean for the harmless comment to come across so... suggestive, but it does, and Sana's face flashes with something unreadable.

Dahyun rushes to change the subject. "I have no idea what to wear tonight." She saves. She's good at that now. Timing. Easing awkwardness, easing tension with her wide smiles and genuine conversation. 

Sana can see through it easily, though. But, she laughs warmly. "You'll be fine, Dahyunie. You always look beautiful."

Dahyun knows she's blushing. She can feel it. She is starting to hate herself and her emotions just that little bit more.

So, she laughs it off, as if Sana is joking, even though Sana's intensely fond expression and tilted head suggests otherwise. She should be angry at Sana, angry at her for being the way she is, angry at her for looking at her like she still means the world to her, but she can't. She just  _can't,_ and it's scaring her.

Mina saves the day this time, emerging from the bar with a drunk giggle, coming over to greet the two girls. Dahyun promptly breaks away from Sana's stare and moves to help the girl stand up straight, wondering how Mina is  _still_ such a lightweight.

Maybe if she suppresses it enough it'll stay where it belongs, in the past.

Even Dahyun doesn't believe that. 

* * *

  ** _6 Years ago- 2022_  **

 

_Ask Dahyun what she likes the most about Sana and she wouldn't be able to tell you. Not because she doesn't have a favourite thing, but because she can't just choose one. She likes the way Sana looks in the mornings when she just wakes up, her sleepy eyes always brightened when they settle on Dahyun. She likes Sana's excited laughter. She likes when Sana speaks fluent Japanese on their shows because she oozes confidence and Dahyun finds_ _that attractive. She likes the way Sana whimpers when she lays kisses on the pulse point on her neck._

_Like now._

_Truthfully, there's no excuse. They should have had a real conversation about what was said on New Years, but, they just haven't gotten around to it. Since then, they haven't been able to keep their hands off each other. The 'practice' pretence has flown out the window, and now they just kiss because they want to, and because after a long day of dance rehearsals and work Sana's soft lips and warm tongue is the only thing that keeps Dahyun sane._

_Sana is straddling Dahyun's lap, both of her arms loosely flung around Dahyun's neck. Dahyun kisses her gently, because she knows that Sana is tired and probably lacking the energy for their usual heated sessions._

_"You're getting-- Ah, too good at-- this," Sana says breathlessly as Dahyun breaks the kiss and moves back to sucking on her neck._

_Dahyun is about to respond when then the door suddenly swings open, too quickly for them to pull back._

_They forgot to lock it._

_Chaeyoung is the first one to find out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be the last chapter but it got a little too long so there will actually be one more chapter! Please enjoy guys!


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